Snake jokes and puns so clean you could eat off 'em!Snake jokes and puns so clean you could eat off 'em! Certified salmonella free!

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Everybody Limbo!


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To boa or not to boa, that is the question. -- Steve

What did the naughty little diamondback say to his big sister?"Don't be such a rattle-tail!" -- Carol

Monogrammed towels: "Hiss" and "Herps". Don't worry, be herpy. You always herp the one you love. Keep going...more snake jokes and puns below...

Art by Lisa Konrad How low can you go?Art by Lisa Konrad

What does an exhibitionistic snake wear to the beach? A pythong. -- Carole B. What's a picnic? A snack in the grass. -- Sandra Wolf What is a snake's favorite subject? Hissssstory! -- What does a boa constrictor use to make herself look prettier? Hair coilers! -- Louie Bon (woof!)

What kind of snake is completely different? A Monty python. -- The "Artful" Bodger Knock, knock. Who's there? Snakeskin. Snakeskin who? Snakeskin bite, but we'd rather run away. -- Bailey How does a snake shoot something? With a boa and arrow! -- Todd What did the snake say to "Sylvester the Cat"? Nothing. He was ssssspeechlesssss! - What do you call a snake without any clothes on? Snaked! -- Hannah Stafford, Aberdeen, Scotland Why is a snake so smart? Because you can't pull its leg! -- Hannah Stafford, Aberdeen, Scotland

Why is a snake so careless? Because it keeps losing its skin! -- Hannah Stafford, Aberdeen, Scotland What does a snake radio DJ say? "Snake, rattle and roll!" -- Hannah Stafford, Aberdeen, Scotland Hey Frank, are we venomous? Why do you want to know? 'Cause I just bit my tongue! -- What does a well-dressed snake wear? A "boa" tie! -- Bill Stupi, Elizabeth, NJ What kind of snake keep its car the cleanest? Windshield vipers! -- Parker Deay What is a snake's favorite footwear? Snakers, of course! -- Todd How do snakes show they love you? They give you hugs and hisses! -- Todd

What happens when a snake gets mad? It throws a "hisssssy-fit"! -- Kevin Crace What is the most popular snake dialect? Boomslang! -- Zeeb What kind of snake can do math in the dark? A night adder! -- Zeeb What kind of snake did Roger the shrubber ( from Monty Python and the Holy Grail ) use to help him round up some shrubbery? A bushmaster! -- Zeeb What kind of snakes get to hug the bride at a wedding? Garter snakes! -- Zeeb What do snakes do at the end of a date? They give each other a goodnight hiss! -- What kind of snake can "cut a rug" with the best of them? A carpet python! -- Anonymous Keep going...more snake jokes and puns below...

What snake do you bow to? A kingsnake -- Anonymous Who married the kingsnake? Well, the queensnake of course! -- Anonymous What prize was given for first place? A blue ribbon snake! -- Anonymous What snake is a member of the band?The RATTLEsnake! -- AnonymousHow can you revive a snake that looks dead? With mouse-to-mouth resuscitation! -- How did the snakes bust out of jail? They scaled the wall! -- What kind of slippers do snakes wear? Water moccasins! -- Keep going...more snake jokes and puns below...

What do snakes put on their kitchen floors? Rep-tiles! -- How do you measure a snake? In inches. They dont have any feet! -- If you crossed a snake with a robin, what kind of bird would you get? A swallow! -- What did the cobra say to the flute player? Charmed to meet you! -- What would you get if you crossed a newborn snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa! -- What do snakes take for an upset stomach? Repto-Bismol. -- Ian T. Campbell Why couldn't the female snake have any babies? Because she'd had a hiss-terectomy! -- Keep going...more snake jokes and puns below...

What should a ghost yell if it wants to scare a snake? "BOA!" -- Why was the water moccasin suspended from the swim team? He was failing Hisss-tory. -- Why did the snake laugh so hard she started to cry? She thought the joke was hisss-terical. -- Why do snakes go to free clinics? They like the sliding scales! -- Why can't snakes eat soup? No spoon! They only have a forked tongue! -- Why did the wife snake leave her husband at the party? She thought he was making an asp of himself! -- Why didn't the snakes leave Noah's Ark and multiply like all the other animals? They couldn't multiply. They were adders! -- Mike Blaine Keep going...more snake jokes and puns below...

What kind of snake helps clean the dishes? A dish viper! -- Marcia Why did the snake cross the road? To get to the other sssssside. -- How do snakes cook pasta? Heat until the water coils or comes to a slither! (Boils or comes to a simmer.) -- Tim Morrison What do you get if you cross a snake with a builder? A Boa Constructor! -- Thomas Howard Why do snakes squeeze their food? Because they have no arms to hug it! -- Katy Applin What is a snake's favorite song? "Fangs for the Memories"! -- What is a snake's favorite dance? The 'Mamba'! -- Thomas Howard Keep going...more snake jokes and puns below...

Where do snakes go to have fun? The boa-ling alley! -- Thomas Howard What clothing might sister snakes share? Co-bras! --

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