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Snake jokes and puns so clean
you could eat off 'em!

Certified Salmonella Free  

 

To boa or not to boa, that is the question. -- Steve

What did the naughty little diamondback say to his big sister?
"Don't be such a rattle-tail!"
-- Carol

What does an exhibitionistic snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
-- Carole B.

What's a picnic?
A snack in the grass.
-- Sandra Wolf

What is a snake's favorite subject?
Hissssstory!
-- CrazeeGal5-@-aol.com

What does a boa constrictor use to make herself look prettier?
Hair coilers!
-- Louie Bon (woof!)

What kind of snake is completely different?
A Monty Python.
-- The Artful Bodger

Knock, knock.
   Who's there?
Snakeskin.
   Snakeskin who?
Snakeskin bite, but we'd rather run away.
-- Bailey

How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow!
-- Todd

What did the snake say to Sylvester the Cat?
Nothing. He was ssssspeechlesssss!
-- Puppy2000-@-aol.com

What do you call a snake without any clothes on?
Snaked!
-- Hannah Stafford, Aberdeen, Scotland

Monogrammed towels: 'Hiss' and 'Herps'.

Why is a snake so smart?
Because you can't pull its leg!
-- Hannah Stafford, Aberdeen, Scotland

Why is a snake so careless?
Because it keeps losing its skin!
-- Hannah Stafford, Aberdeen, Scotland

Hey Frank, are we venomous?
   Why do you want to know?
'Cause I just bit my tongue!
-- Richar9476-@-aol.com

What does a snake radio DJ say?
"Snake, rattle and roll!"
-- Hannah Stafford, Aberdeen, Scotland

What does a well-dressed snake wear?
A boa tie!
-- Bill Stupi, Elizabeth, NJ

What kind of snake keep its car the cleanest?
A windshield viper!
-- Parker Deay

What is a snake's favorite footwear?
Snakers, of course!
-- Todd

How do snakes show they love you?
They give you hugs and hisses!
-- Todd

What happens when a snake gets mad?
It throws a hisssssy-fit!
-- Kevin Crace

What is the most popular snake dialect?
Boomslang!
-- Zeeb

Don't worry, be herpy.

What kind of snake can do math in the dark?
A night adder!
-- Zeeb

What kind of snake did Roger the shrubber
(from Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
use to help him round up some shrubbery?
A bushmaster!
-- Zeeb

What kind of snakes get to hug the bride at a wedding?
Garter snakes!
-- Zeeb

What do snakes do at the end of a date?
They give each other a goodnight hiss!
-- Kjremmers-@-aol.com

What kind of snake can cut a rug with the best of them?
A carpet python!
-- Anonymous

What snake do you bow to?
A kingsnake.
-- Anonymous

Who married the kingsnake?
Well, the queensnake of course!
-- Anonymous

What prize was given for first place?
A blue ribbon snake!
-- Anonymous

What snake is a member of the band?
The RATTLEsnake!
-- Anonymous

How can you revive a snake that looks dead?
With mouse-to-mouth resuscitation!
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com

M R snakes.
M R not snakes!
S M R! C D E D B D i'S?
-- Tal Weberg

How did the snakes bust out of jail?
They scaled the wall!
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com

What kind of slippers do snakes wear?
Water moccasins!
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com

What do snakes put on their kitchen floors?
Rep-tiles!
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com

How do you measure a snake?
In inches. They don't have any feet!
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com

If you crossed a snake with a robin, what kind of bird would you get?
A swallow!
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com

What did the cobra say to the flute player?
"Charmed to meet you!"
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com

What would you get if you crossed a newborn snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa!
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com

What do snakes take for an upset stomach?
Repto-Bismol.
-- Ian T. Campbell

Why couldn't the female snake have any babies?
Because she'd had a hiss-terectomy!
-- Mecarlsn-@-aol.com

What should a ghost yell if it wants to scare a snake?
"BOA!"
-- Mecarlsn-@-aol.com

Why do snakes go to free clinics?
They like the sliding scales!
-- Todjob-@-aol.com

Why can't snakes eat soup?
No spoon! They only have a forked tongue!
-- Todjob-@-aol.com

Why was the water moccasin suspended from the swim team?
He was failing Hisss-tory.
-- Mecarlsn-@-aol.com

Why did the snake laugh so hard she started to cry?
She thought the joke was hisss-terical
-- Mecarlsn-@-aol.com

Why did the snake cross the road?
To get to the other ssssssssside.
-- MPapamaddox-@-gateway.net

Why didn't the snakes leave Noah's Ark
and multiply like all the other animals?
They couldn't multiply. They were adders!
-- Mike Blaine

Why did the wife snake leave her husband at the party?
She thought he was making an asp out of himself!
-- Mecarlsn-@-aol.com

What kind of snake helps clean the dishes?
A dish-viper!
-- Marcia

How do snakes cook pasta?
Heat until the water coils or comes to a slither!
(Boils or comes to a simmer.)
-- Tim Morrison

What do you get if you cross a snake with a builder?
A Boa Constructor!

-- Thomas Howard

Why do snakes squeeze their food?
Because they have no arms to hug it!!!

-- Katy Applin

What is a snake's favorite song?
"Fangs For The Memories"
-- rjsquir-@-banet.net

What is a snake's favorite dance?
The 'Mamba'!

-- Thomas Howard

Where do snakes go to have fun?
The boa-ling alley!

-- Thomas Howard

What clothing might sister snakes share?
Co-bras!

-- Mecarlsn-@-aol.com

 


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