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Snake jokes and puns so clean |
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To boa or not to boa, that is the question. -- Steve |
What did the naughty little diamondback say to his big sister?
"Don't be such a rattle-tail!"
-- Carol
What does an exhibitionistic snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
-- Carole B.
What's a picnic?
A snack in the grass.
-- Sandra Wolf
What is a snake's favorite subject?
Hissssstory!
-- CrazeeGal5-@-aol.com
What does a boa constrictor use to make herself look prettier?
Hair coilers!
-- Louie Bon (woof!)
What kind of snake is completely different?
A Monty Python.
-- The Artful Bodger
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Snakeskin.
Snakeskin who?
Snakeskin bite, but we'd rather run away.
-- Bailey
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow!
-- Todd
What did the snake say to Sylvester the Cat?
Nothing. He was ssssspeechlesssss!
-- Puppy2000-@-aol.com
What do you call a snake without any clothes on?
Snaked!
-- Hannah Stafford, Aberdeen, Scotland
Monogrammed towels: 'Hiss' and 'Herps'. |
Why is a snake so smart?
Because you can't pull its leg!
-- Hannah Stafford, Aberdeen, Scotland
Why is a snake so careless?
Because it keeps losing its skin!
-- Hannah Stafford, Aberdeen, Scotland
Hey Frank, are we venomous?
Why do you want to know?
'Cause I just bit my tongue!
-- Richar9476-@-aol.com
What does a snake radio DJ say?
"Snake, rattle and roll!"
-- Hannah Stafford, Aberdeen, Scotland
What does a well-dressed snake wear?
A boa tie!
-- Bill Stupi, Elizabeth, NJ 
What kind of snake keep its car the cleanest?
A windshield viper!
-- Parker Deay
What is a snake's favorite footwear?
Snakers, of course!
-- Todd
How do snakes show they love you?
They give you hugs and hisses!
-- Todd
What happens when a snake gets mad?
It throws a hisssssy-fit!
-- Kevin Crace
What is the most popular snake dialect?
Boomslang!
-- Zeeb
Don't worry, be herpy. |
What kind of snake can do math in the dark?
A night adder!
-- Zeeb
What kind of snake did Roger the shrubber
(from Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
use to help him round up some shrubbery?
A bushmaster!
-- Zeeb
What kind of snakes get to hug the bride at a wedding?
Garter snakes!
-- Zeeb
What do snakes do at the end of a date?
They give each other a goodnight hiss!
-- Kjremmers-@-aol.com
What kind of snake can cut a rug with the best of them?
A carpet python!
-- Anonymous
What snake do you bow to?
A kingsnake.
-- Anonymous
Who married the kingsnake?
Well, the queensnake of course!
-- Anonymous
What prize was given for first place?
A blue ribbon snake!
-- Anonymous
What snake is a member of the band?
The RATTLEsnake!
-- Anonymous
How can you revive a snake that looks dead?
With mouse-to-mouth resuscitation!
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com
M R snakes. |
How did the snakes bust out of jail?
They scaled the wall!
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com 
What kind of slippers do snakes wear?
Water moccasins!
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com
What do snakes put on their kitchen floors?
Rep-tiles!
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com
How do you measure a snake?
In inches. They don't have any feet!
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com
If you crossed a snake with a robin, what kind of bird would you get?
A swallow!
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com
What did the cobra say to the flute player?
"Charmed to meet you!"
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com
What would you get if you crossed a newborn snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa!
-- LaLaLua-@-aol.com
What do snakes take for an upset stomach?
Repto-Bismol.
-- Ian T. Campbell
Why couldn't the female snake have any babies?
Because she'd had a hiss-terectomy!
-- Mecarlsn-@-aol.com
What should a ghost yell if it wants to scare a snake?
"BOA!"
-- Mecarlsn-@-aol.com
Why do snakes go to free clinics?
They like the sliding scales!
-- Todjob-@-aol.com
Why can't snakes eat soup?
No spoon! They only have a forked tongue!
-- Todjob-@-aol.com
Why was the water moccasin suspended from the swim team?
He was failing Hisss-tory.
-- Mecarlsn-@-aol.com
Why did the snake laugh so hard she started to cry?
She thought the joke was hisss-terical
-- Mecarlsn-@-aol.com
Why did the snake cross the road?
To get to the other ssssssssside.
-- MPapamaddox-@-gateway.net
Why didn't the snakes leave Noah's Ark
and multiply like all the other animals?
They couldn't multiply. They were adders!
-- Mike Blaine
Why did the wife snake leave her husband at the party?
She thought he was making an asp out of himself!
-- Mecarlsn-@-aol.com
What kind of snake helps clean the dishes?
A dish-viper!
-- Marcia
How do snakes cook pasta?
Heat until the water coils or comes to a slither!
(Boils or comes to a simmer.)
-- Tim Morrison
What do you get if you cross a snake with a builder?
A Boa Constructor!
-- Thomas Howard
Why do snakes squeeze their food?
Because they have no arms to hug it!!!
-- Katy Applin
What is a snake's favorite song?
"Fangs For The Memories"
-- rjsquir-@-banet.net
What is a snake's favorite dance?
The 'Mamba'!
-- Thomas Howard
Where do snakes go to have fun?
The boa-ling alley!
-- Thomas Howard
What clothing might sister snakes share?
Co-bras!
-- Mecarlsn-@-aol.com
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